 |
For 18 years I have been involved in Life, but what is it? What does it mean? I struggle with this thought with each passing day. I ponder a lot on a day to day basis, life is beautiful yet life at times is synonym with pain and disappointment. Yes I am emotional and sensitive, it works both ways for I do get to see the better pictures in life.
Through it all, it's the company of friends that I enjoy and make things so colorful. Nothing beats a night out with the boys or spending time in the company of other friends. A movie or a day out is much appreciated and far more meaningful when one is in the presence of such wonderful people.
I'm always on the go- full of energy, spirit and youthfulness. Activities and adventures are constantly on my to-do list, football, volleyball and running are common sports, wherelese I have a yearning for the outdoors as well, for nothing can beat coming back to nature. The tranquil peace while camping, battling currents while kayaking and sailing or simply literarly hanging around while rock climbing.
Time alone is much valued by me, sadly though such time is hard to come by. A great source of entertainment and enjoyment is reading, though one rarely comes across good books. Music always has a soothing effect on me, especially songs which I can relate to and understand.
I live for myself, and for society as well, but above all I live for God. I involve myself in church and it's ministries, nothing can compare to serving the Almighty one. I always consider myself lucky, and humble through my experiences working for UNICEF and Outward Bound International, there is no greater joy then seeing your efforts have an impact on the lives of others, moments like these are hard to come by, but makes all life worth living, and together with my purpose in God brings meaning to an otherwise empty life.
|
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 27, 2005
Our Lord has clearly said: "Whoever desires to come after me, he must
deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Matt 8:34). So
often have we made promises to our Father, promising to take up His
cross, to deny ourselves for His sake, but when God comes and claims
the promise that we made, are we actually ready to keep our end of the
bargain? Repeatedly we see what Christ has said about us following in
His ways: to the wealthy young man he said "sell your possessions…
then come and follow me." To give up our possessions means a lot more
then our worldly belongings, it means to give up what we love, and
what we care for: the very dear thing that we hold so closely to us.
To deny ourselves is a big commitment, and calls for a great
sacrifice. I always believed that I could give up everything that I
owned, after all in terms of the world I don't owe much. However the
Lord knows this, and He will not allow Himself to be shortchanged.
The desire to honor God comes before anything else, even if it comes
at the expense of myself. I can not live a life with the burden of
knowing that I am not walking in God's right light. How can I be
selfish and to deny the Lord for the sake of my earthly pleasures and
desires? For the Lord has called me, and I have made a promise to do
anything, to give up all for Him, my life included should He desire to
do so. But the Lord knows my heart, and he knows my priorities, and
with this He has come to claim my side of the bargain and He asks for
me to remove exactly that which tears my heart apart. Knowing what I
hold dear to me, to me that being relationships- with family and
friends, the Lord has asked me to deny self, to give up my selfish
desires and to take up His cross, and His burden, and give up a
significant person for Him.
How can I keep that from Him? I wish not to be a hypocrite, to be a
man full of empty promises and unable to walk in righteousness with
Him. If the Father can give up His son for me, then who am I to
withhold what I have from Him? I scarcely believe that even mere words
can describe the pain and anguish that our God felt when He saw His
son on the cross, and I know that what I go through now can not even
compare to how His heart bled. The feelings that run through me cannot
compare to what He endured, but it is more then sufficient to hurt and
trouble me deeply. This is part of His plan, and the only option I
have is to obey. For it is through suffering that one learns obedience
(Hebrews 5:8-9).
I want to draw strength from the story of Abraham. I am amazed by the
faith he demonstrated to God when he went to sacrifice his son. To
give up your very own son shows such a great love and strong
relationship with God, one which I can only desire to emulate and seek
after. Abraham honored the Lord, and in time the Lord honored Him. I
know that my God is a faithful God, and in trying to honor Him He too
will in His time honor me someday.
I struggle with coming to terms with what has happened, however I
desire nothing but to honor Him, but why her? It pains me to do His
will, but His path is a path of suffering. It is hard, and painful.
The flesh indeed is willing… and I cry before the Lord asking for His
grace to be upon me. I know this path is not an easy one, and I now
know that in the past I have acted with pride and arrogance and I have
taken the Lord for granted. Now the Lord is teaching me a lesson on
humility, to depend on Him, and to trust in Him. I want to develop my
identity firmly in Him, for Him to be my one and only heart's desire.
My heart's desire is to be faithful to Him, and to honor her at the
same time. At this point in time I am willing to do that, even if it
comes at my expense, for that is the price I pay for my salvation. I
only want to be there to support and encourage her in her walk in God,
and with this I go forth in faith, trusting that as I strive to honor
and serve the Lord, one day, one day He too will bless me, and her,
for what we've done.
Posted at 01:01 am by Joekt
Permalink
May 17, 2005
For those who wanted to know, I am leaving for Bermuda on the 18th of May. Back in June.
Posted at 07:56 am by Joekt
Permalink
May 9, 2005
Prayer Item- Potential Terrorist?
Dear Friends,
If you do have a moment, I hope that you can spare a prayer for me. Here is my problem:
For those who are not aware, early in the year I was picked to represent Outward Bound Malaysia at an International Youth Challenge Course in the Bermuda Islands, which will be held at the end of the month. Everything from fees, to equipment and lodging is covered for except for the airfare. Over the past months I have been working on sponsorships but without much success.
Early on Malaysian Airlines had agreed to give me a sponsorship for the flight to New York, where I would transit on the Bermuda. However by the time their relevant department approved of a partial sponsorship two weeks ago, their ticketing side were unable to arrange any seats as they were fully booked. To make matters worse not only would MAS not sponsor me on another airline, but no other airline had available seats.
Somehow though Thai Airlines managed to squeeze me in on a flights to and fro Bermuda via Bangkok and New York, and since transiting in the US now requires a visa I applied for one at the end of April. But since the US Embassy here had their schedules full I only managed to do my interview today. It went pretty well and the officer who conducted it would have approved of my visa on the spot had I applied before 9/11 or had I not fit in to the ‘potential terrorist’ profile- single Asian male between 16-45 traveling alone. So now Washington needs to vet me to make sure I’m clean, and that would take up to 2 weeks albeit they usually provide a reply within a week and the embassy promised to try and speed up the process.
Now the problem is, I’m supposed to fly of next Wednesday (18th), and the travel agent needs me to pay for the tickets by tomorrow. As such, my choices are:
And I need to pick up my flight tickets by tomorrow. So now:
1. I pick up my tickets tomorrow , and by next Wednesday the visa is approved and then I can leave for Bermuda.
2. I pick up the tickets, the visa is rejected so I can't go and I have to pay a cancellation fees for the flight tickets.
3. I pick up the tickets, the visa is approved but not in time, so I still can not leave and still have to pay the cancellation fees.
4. I don't pick up the tickets all, and once I get the result from the embassy I try to arrange for tickets (with practically no chance of getting any seats)
5. I give up, and pull out of the Bermuda trip altogether now.
As you can see I’m pretty much stuck and worried. I honestly have no idea what to do, there’s a lot of money as well as the hopes, expectations and reputation of OB Malaysia on the line. I ask that you pray for that somehow my application comes through fast and in time for me to leave for Bermuda, for wisdom in making a right choice on where to go from here, and for my sanity as this is driving me nuts.
Sigh,
God bless
Posted at 11:27 pm by Joekt
Permalink
Nov 5, 2004
Life is precious- remember.
‘People are always asking me how is it that firefighters run into a burning building when everyone else is running out. Courage is the answer.’
Chief Kennedy, John Travolta in Ladder 49.
I’ve been doing some thinking. Lately I’ve been quite caught up in life, I seem very busy- yet I don’t seem to be accomplishing much. I haven’t been blogging, nor have I been playing sports, spending some real quality time with God, or even studying and doing my assignments. I wonder what I really have been doing; I reckon I need to work something out. I haven’t had much time for the movies, but over the last week I’ve managed to find time for ‘The Terminal’- gosh I love Spielberg and Tom Hank’s movies, and now I’ve just returned from ‘Ladder 49’- yes I know it’s been out for a very long time now. =)
It’s one touching story, of men who life their lives for others. It makes us think, to appreciate this men and women who place their lives on the lines. And in the end making the ultimate sacrifice. Call me what sentimental, emotional or whatever else that you want, but I cried, yes and I really cried with tears all over at the end of the movie. And you know what? I don’t care, I was proud of it.
I believe that life has a purpose; I was brought up by values and pride. My grandfather fought in the Second World War, and represented Switzerland at the London Olympics. I’ve got various uncles who too have served in the army or represented their country in various sports. I myself have had the honor to represent my country on the international scene, to work with the community with the scouts, to work for humanity with UNICEF and Outward Bound. Besides that I have God, my ministry in church with the youth and in Sunday school. It’s heck of a list, and I’m proud of it. Not so much as a bragging right, but more of a sense of accomplishments. I’ve always believed there is a bigger picture in life- of God and of others. I’ve learnt to humble myself and be useful to my fellow man. Whenever opportunities come for that, though others might dread it, I really do look for it. When Malaysia launched its inaugural National Service, many people didn’t want to go. But when I got picked for the very first batch, I didn’t object. I went, and I went proudly.
When I was in the service we dropped by the camp’s local fire department where we were given a tour. My perspective of them has changed since that day. The equipment they handle, the expertise, the knowledge and skill that is required of them, it’s something I never knew they needed. On top of that, they require courage and guts, pride and honor. A few days later we were at the local hospital when fire vehicle pulled up and the ER doors came crashing open to see one of the local fireboys being wheeled in on a stretcher- pale white, bleeding, covered in sooth and ash, while struggling to breath. Apparently something went wrong during a forest fire, and he got caught in the middle of it. Yea, it is at such times where you are confronted with death that you realize that you should give the rightful people the deserving respect.
Uniformed units have always appealed to me. Be it the army, the army or even the boy scouts. Why? Perhaps because of the uniformity, the pride which they take in doing what they do. The knowledge that they are here for a greater cause. The close-knit unity between each others. I recall when I was in the service, within weeks we were closer then brothers, we knew so much about each other which people at home didn’t know. Putting on a uniform, or a badge, be it our fatigues in the army, or our uniforms in scouts, or mere ID tags in Outward Bound or UNICEF, it fills me with pride. I feel blessed to be able to bless others.
My dream in life is to serve others, to work for my fellow man. Even if I have to lay my life down for another, I would gladly do so. I want to earn the respect of others, not because I demand power, but because it would mean that I would have successfully touched the lives of others. Often enough I dreamt that upon my funeral, I would go peacefully, but with the many people whose lives have been impacted there to pay their last respects. I would want the person who reads my eulogy to say: ‘let us not be here to mourn the passing of this fine young man, but let us instead celebrate the life that he has lived’. That’s what I want. To know that I have lived a life where I have left an impact in others left my footprint in this world, knowing I made a different somewhere and somehow. Life is precious, and I want to do the best with it that I can.
‘From this day until the ending of the world but we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.’
William Shakespeare,
as quoted in the HBO miniseries-Band of Brothers.
Posted at 10:59 am by Joekt
Permalink
Sep 17, 2004
I had spent the last weekend up on Genting Highlands on CG's (Cross Generation) leaders' retreat. I'm not exactly a leader, but am sorta kinda in the 'potential leaders' category. It was a humbling experience, especially when three of the leaders went down on their knees and washed the feet of the rest as an act of humility. I recently wrote back to the leaders, this is my email. =)
Dear all =)
First of all I’d just like to thank you people for organizing the retreat up at Peacehaven, it was wonderful and something that I really needed. I apologize for the late reply, for I’ve been pretty busy throughout the week.
I’d like to share some of my thoughts of the retreat, and something that has been troubling me for quite a while now. As a college student, many of my peers’ lifestyle has changed dramatically, with alcohol, drugs and sex becoming a norm. One by one I’ve seen friends I never expected to fall into these traps, and it’s become rather upsetting and disappointing. Not only do these acts of my peers affect me in such way, it has become a new platform of temptation for me to resist. It has been far from easy, with me becoming more and more like the last standing guy, the last lone ranger. I have to admit that at times I have questioned my faith, what ground I’m standing on and the reasons for doing so.
Two particular moments during the retreat had special meaning to me, the first being the devotion on the first morning. The article we were given really spoke to me, re-enforcing my beliefs and strengthening my current stand. It speaks that as Christian leaders, to be irrelevant to the world. And to read about other leaders of the church falling into depression and feeling marginalized, it is encouraging to know that I actually am not walking alone when I’m resisting the ways of the world.
To know that our first love lies with God is further encouraging, honestly I tend to get very bothered about peers getting involved in relationships with one another. I know my singlehood is something I want keep at the moment, but at times the having the relationships of peers affecting me makes me do feel lost and lonely. Reading the second paragraph on page 30:
‘in our world of loneliness and despair, there is an enormous need for men and women who know the heart of God, a heart that forgives, that cares, that reaches out and wants to heal. In the heart there is no suspicion, no vindictiveness, no resentment, and no tinge of hatred. It is a heart that wants only to give love and receive love in response. It is a heart that suffers toimmensely because it sees the magnitude of human pain and the great resistance of trusting the heart of God who wants to offer consolation and hope.’
It just brought me much comfort, and made me realize how selfish I was, to only think of myself, and to allow myself to be felled by the ways of the world. Why associate myself with the second love, which is just full of shadows and darkness, when I can enjoy and bask in God’s first love.
Basically everything was summed up in the sentence: ‘To live a life that is not dominated by the desire to be relevant but is instead safely anchored in the knowledge of God’s first love, we have to be mystics.’
To see you leaders come before us ‘ordinary’ men and women to wash our feet was indeed very humbling. It left me crying within, and feeling really ashamed. To see how much faith and trust the leaders place in the Lord indeed makes me feel unworthy, but to realize that is inspiring, and something for me to work to reach someday.
Lately I’ve been caught up with things of the world, and to be able to go on that retreat was what I needed, as it provided me an opportunity to really quiten down and listen, along with prayer. Two vital things I realized I had been ignoring lately. Once again thank for everything. =)
God bless,
Cheers
Ps. As I was reading the letter from Adrian and Shan Ting, I was reflecting upon my calling which I received during APYAC, and my vow to go to the end’s of the earth for the Lord, and while searching for 1 Timothy 4:12, I opened onto 1 Timothy 5:21: ‘21I solemnly command you in the presence of God and Christ Jesus and the holy angels to obey these instructions without taking sides or showing special favor to anyone.’
Dear Father in heaven,
Lord I just want to thank you for placing me in this ministry, and presenting me a place to feed and to grow in you. It is not by coincidence that I have been placed here, but just as everything has its place and time, you have placed me here for a reason. And for that I am grateful.
Father this is a ministry that labors out of love for you, as they strive to build each other up and to reach out into the community. Each and every member here has a heart for you, striving in their daily walk with you to be the salts and the lights in their respective wokrplaces and colleges. Lord I pray that you build up each willing heart, so that their relationship with you shall be one filled with meaning and purpose and not just one of the surface level. Father I pray that you humble these hearts, so they will be able to let go of their pride, and humbly come before you, asking for help in times of trouble and need. Lord I pray that you strengthen them, and hold them in your arms as you provide them a blanket of comfort in whatever times. That they will be able to walk with their heads held high, but yet having hearts of servants, so that people around them will be able to identify them as your people, who serve you, and your kingdom. I pray to that you provide them strength to resist the temptations ant traps of Satan, for in this age he has become a mighty force going all out to bring us down, but in Jesus’ name I pray that you help them resist evil, and to chose to follow after your footsteps only.
Lord I thank you for our leaders, Adrian, Shan Ting, Sue Ann, and the rest of the core and tribe leaders. Lord I pray that you bless them in all they do, for it is through their toiling and sweating that CG is where it is now. And I pray that you provide healing and rest onto them should they ever get weary and tired. Lord I pray that they will continue to inspire and build up many mighty men and women for the glory of your kingdom. Lord once again I commit all this into your hands, in Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen
Posted at 11:50 pm by Joekt
Permalink
Aug 30, 2004
Olympic Spirit- Citiues, Altious, Fortiues.
The Olympics ended this morning in glorious fashion, with the ceremony closing the final chapter of what the IOC president described as ‘magnificent’, and believe me magnificent it was. 17 days of bliss and beauty, where humanity came together and were people could walk side by side as equals irrespective of race, nationality, political ideology or religious influence, mighty nations were humbled by third world countries just as David slay Goliath, and where people came as strangers, competed as enemies but yet left as friends. It’s amazing what the Olympic Spirit can do, many don’t understand it but I do feel its presence every four years when the Olympic flame lights up one lucky host city for this wonderful event. As a kid I would watch in awe as participants marched out during the opening ceremony, gave their all and best while competing and going through the euphoria of winning medals- dancing and celebrating in joy while being clad in their respective flags and singing their national anthems with pride and glory as the winners flag is raised. Yes, I grew up with that being my dream, my hope and wish to somehow or another be in their position, and having that same impact on a little kid tuck somewhere in one of the corners of the world. It was my motivating force during training, I pushed harder, trained longer and fought with all I had to try and aim for representing my land one day. Well however at this time around I’ve had accepted the fact that that dream shall remain that- a dream. I did my best, but due to injuries, bad timing, bad luck and with simply being not good enough being the bottom line I gave up on the dream, I had to face reality- I wasn’t going to make it big.
I don’t mind, I had my share of glory and experiences which consists of memories I wanted to forget and memories I shall hold on for a long time. My international debut with the youth team at an age of 13 was special, my first appearance when we played in Thailand against their national youths, that day I hold dear to my heart- it was a real special moment, never before have I sung my national anthem with such pride, and being covered in Goosebumps all over.
I’ve been out of competitive sports for over a year now, and at the end of this month my college will be organizing a sports carnival between the various departments, and I’ll be representing Center for Psychology (CFP) in the football competition. How I would fare I don’t know, I haven’t played in a while and on top of that I’m still recovering from my torn ligaments though I’m hoping for the best. Sad to say the spirit which is so ever present in the atmosphere of the great games are not visible in other areas. As defending champions CFP gets to send a maximum of 3 teams, and the 3 captains have gotten into huge arguments at the brink of exchanging blows in selecting and organizing the teams. There exists much bickering, backstabbing and politicizing between all the players who out of this are friends, some even being housemates. Things have gone so out of hand that the director of the department has threatened to only send one team, which would be disastrous considering our department has been blessed with so many talented players. Where is the spirit of sportsmanship and fair play? So far I’ve remained out of it and am not willing to get involved, albeit initially there was a controversy on whose team I was to play. I don’t care; I just want to play, why does politics have to creep into every other activity? If only people could set aside whatever differences and problems they have and play in the name of sports- the world would be such a better place.
Citiues, Altious, Fortiues, - Swifter, Higher, Stronger
Posted at 04:12 am by Joekt
Permalink
Aug 27, 2004
Every beginning has it's end, while every new page brings a new beginning.
Commonly most people react negatively towards change, a classic example would be me and myself. The problem lies with us getting to comfortable in what were are in, in our own worlds and mindsets. Sadly though when reality strikes a vicious blow we are forced re-examine ourselves and accept what has happened before finally moving on into a new chapter in our lives. Often though we spend to much time staring at that door which has closed on our past, to realize that another door to the future has been opened.
Lol. I was just writting of the top of my head, I reckon what I wrote doesn't make to much sense.
Posted at 04:24 am by Joekt
Permalink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
